When we talk about storytelling, we have to talk about listening as well. Listening is unseperable from telling. If the storyteller senses that the other does not pay attention, does not listen, he/she loses the motivation to tell his/her story.
Carl Rogers, the famous American psychologist, who was the founder of the humanistic approach (or client-centered approach) in psychology, thought that one of the most potent facilitator of personality change is being deeply understood, being listened to in an empathic way. This kind of listening has a number of names in the literature, among them active listening, reflective listening, or non judgemental listening.
When we engage in this kind of listening, we focus totally on the person who speaks to us (shares his/her story with us): we try ro understand what his/her experience is, and even how he/she feels in the situation. To check if we are right, from time to time we give feedbacks by summarising what we understood of the story, and also what feelings the speaker might have felt.
Is it easy? No, it is difficult, it takes a lot of effort and practice, but it can be developed. It is also tiring, as it requires our full attention and emotional presence.
When we are listened to in an empathic, non judgemental way, we do not have to justify or defend ourselves, our self-image is not threatened by the other person. We are able to explore our thoughts, motives and feelings in a safe environment and can get a better understanding of them. As Rogers described it: “When functioning best, the therapist is so much inside the private world of the other that he or she can clarify not only the meanings of which the client is aware but even those just below the level of awareness.” (Rogers, 1980). We also feels connected, we can experience that we are not alone.
On the other hand, the listener can also gain a lot. As Rogers says: “I believe I know why it is satisfying to me to hear someone. When I can really hear someone, it puts me in touch with him; it enriches my life.” When we really listen to the other person, we learn new things about the world and become wiser ourselves. As we know more about how other people experience their lives, what drives them, we find interpersonal relationships less unpredictable and as a consequence, safer. We also feel connected and energised. Even if the act of listening itself takes energy, we usually don't feel tiredness during the conversation, only after it. We feel present and more alive.
If you are interested in how to practice this kind of listening and what to avoid, you can read about the barriers and facilitators of communication. We might talk about them in a later article.
Lastly, we would like to share a moving, personal story with you about the importance of non judgmental listening. Its title: “The Power of Two - How Listening Shapes Storytelling: Paul Browde & Murray Nossel at TEDxBrooklyn”. Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvOriYNJ15E&feature=youtu.be
Enjoy!
Written by Anna Rácz
Bibliography
Rogers, C. R. (1980), A Way of Being. Boston: Houghton Mifflin
When we engage in this kind of listening, we focus totally on the person who speaks to us (shares his/her story with us): we try ro understand what his/her experience is, and even how he/she feels in the situation. To check if we are right, from time to time we give feedbacks by summarising what we understood of the story, and also what feelings the speaker might have felt.
Is it easy? No, it is difficult, it takes a lot of effort and practice, but it can be developed. It is also tiring, as it requires our full attention and emotional presence.
When we are listened to in an empathic, non judgemental way, we do not have to justify or defend ourselves, our self-image is not threatened by the other person. We are able to explore our thoughts, motives and feelings in a safe environment and can get a better understanding of them. As Rogers described it: “When functioning best, the therapist is so much inside the private world of the other that he or she can clarify not only the meanings of which the client is aware but even those just below the level of awareness.” (Rogers, 1980). We also feels connected, we can experience that we are not alone.
On the other hand, the listener can also gain a lot. As Rogers says: “I believe I know why it is satisfying to me to hear someone. When I can really hear someone, it puts me in touch with him; it enriches my life.” When we really listen to the other person, we learn new things about the world and become wiser ourselves. As we know more about how other people experience their lives, what drives them, we find interpersonal relationships less unpredictable and as a consequence, safer. We also feel connected and energised. Even if the act of listening itself takes energy, we usually don't feel tiredness during the conversation, only after it. We feel present and more alive.
If you are interested in how to practice this kind of listening and what to avoid, you can read about the barriers and facilitators of communication. We might talk about them in a later article.
Lastly, we would like to share a moving, personal story with you about the importance of non judgmental listening. Its title: “The Power of Two - How Listening Shapes Storytelling: Paul Browde & Murray Nossel at TEDxBrooklyn”. Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvOriYNJ15E&feature=youtu.be
Enjoy!
Written by Anna Rácz
Bibliography
Rogers, C. R. (1980), A Way of Being. Boston: Houghton Mifflin